Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Day of the Cryptids: Mecha-Bigfoot vs. Chupacabranado

In the late 1970s, Mecha-Bigfoot was a clandestine U.S. government program designed to flush out the “real” Bigfoot. After several failed attempts to initiate and establish any contact, it was abandoned. Some critics, like Dr. Reginald Parsons, cryptid researcher and skeptic, regarded the program to be the original source for the Bigfoot “myth” in the first place. One embarrassingly blurred video that some believed to be true evidence of Bigfoot’s existence only exasperated the situation. Then, in unspecified near-present future date, people and animals start disappearing after strange cyclonic-like activity begins occurring in an unnamed-yet-typical Midwestern town. They are found miles away drained of their blood! Nathan Binford, special adviser to U.S. president Martha Goodhart, believes the best option is to revive the long-dormant Mecha-Bigfoot program to investigate. (Aah, didn't see that coming, did ya?). After several awkwardly tense moments and melodramatic debate, the president agrees.

It is not long before Mecha-Bigfoot comes face to face with its foe - the Chupacabranado!!! As typical in such feral confrontations, an immense battle immediately ensues between the two fearsome creatures! Grrr, raawwhhrr, ends in a draw, as Chupacabranado hastily scampers away in a cloud of whirling dust and scattered foliage. A trail of bright greenish-brown blood and trampled forest the only evidence of the fight, Mecha-Bigfoot stares after it in pyrrhic triumph. Meanwhile, Dr. Parsons, secreted in a surreptitious hiding spot, has blurrily recorded the entire encounter! In an attempt to vindicate his theories on government culpability in the Bigfoot myth, his (self-)leaked video immediately goes viral around the world! Soon enough, news crews scour the area for the latest updates in an attempt to be first with breaking coverage of any Bigfoot exploitation and sensationalism!

Meanwhile, hidden in a cave not far away, a pair of gigantic eyes look out from the darkness. Who, or what, is it??? Is it the “real” Bigfoot??? Or something more…cryptid???

[April Fool's...the Mecha-Bigfoot program was never abandoned!]

©2015 Steve Sagarra

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